For All The Days of My Life... a History and Explanation of My Longest Relationship

      


        "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives." This quote, spoken by MacDonald Carey in the show's opening, is one I've known for as long as I can remember. As you can probably guess, I'm a big fan of NBC's long running soap opera "Days of Our Lives". I've been a Days fan since I was in the womb. My mother even happened to be watching it when she went into labor with me. It even tracks back farther than that. I'm a THIRD generation Days fan. My grandma (or Mamaw as we say in Kentucky), all my aunts, and my mom were/are Days fans (Mamaw was also a fan of "The Doctors" and "Another World"). So naturally, I grew up on it and have been hooked on the junk for as long as I can remember. I need it in my life as much as any junkie needs crack or any drunk needs booze. It's kind of my security blanket. It's always been in my life (even when it wasn't but we'll get to that later), and I've come to depend on it ALWAYS being in my life.

         My obsession and addiction to soap operas isn't limited to Days of Our Lives. All My Children was my second favorite sudser until it was cruelly cancelled last year leaving me devastated and heartbroken. I was a HUGE fan of Jackson and Erica and was NOT happy with how the show ended them. I'm also fond of The Young and the Restless, particularly Victor and Nikki Newman. At one point in college, thanks to Soapnet weekend marathons and a good VCR, I watched SIX soap operas at least casually. Days and AMC were a must (I purposefully left one o'clock open on my college schedule if I could avoid it, and if I couldn't, I recorded the show every day), but I also tuned into The Young and the Restless, One Life to Live, General Hospital, and Passions (but only because my roommate liked it).

        Though I don't remember a lot of specifics of my early days as a DAYS fan, I remember watching with my mom every day at 1, then I'd watch Scooby Doo at 2. I remember her being excited when Bo Brady was returning to the show, and I even remember him pulling up on a motorcycle. I can also recall Jack stopping Jennifer from marrying SOMEBODY (need to check my facts.... maybe it was Emilio) by pulling up on a fire truck. I was quite young then, 3 or 4, so like I said, the details are sketchy at best.

       By the time I was 8 or 9, I started becoming invested in the show. My earliest memory of being genuinely upset by something on television was when Roman (Wayne Northrop) was leaving the show and Marlena (Deidre Hall) came to the airport to try and stop him.  I can remember thinking "Noooooooooooo don't leave her, Roman!". Nonetheless, he left her and I had my first taste of soap heartbreak. (She shouldn't have been such a tramp and slept with John, thus forming the grossest soap couple ever, but I digress.) Coincidentally, he came back to the show about 10 years later (as a new character of all people... only in soap land), and when he walked in the room and said "Hello, Marlena. It's been a long time." I SQUEALED and almost fell off my chair.... good thing I was the only one home. That would have been just a LITTLE too embarrassing to be witnessed by anybody in person.

        It was also around this time that MacDonald Carey, or Dr. Tom Horton to Days fans, passed away in real life and on the show. I remember my mom being genuinely upset about it. "It was like losing a member of the family", she would later explain to me. It was then I understood what being a soap fan was all about. Soap characters come into your living room every day and you feel like you know these people. What other genre of entertainment can you spend years and years of your life with the same characters and stories? For somebody who tends to obsess easily, such as I, there's nothing better than soaps. I get a fix five days a week. I'd be happier with 7, but I can't complain too much.

        Days of Our Lives and I have "broken up"  a few times over the years for varying reasons, such as work conflicting, anger or disgust at story lines, loss of interest, and most recently, my devastation over the loss of All My Children looming over and destroying my ability to enjoy any soap. One of these break ups was for the better part of a year, but most have been fairly short lived. Days is the one constant in my life that I will always go back to. My family in Salem is as much a part of my life as my family here in Kentucky. I will always need to know what deliciously evil plot Stefano Dimera has cooked up for the lesser and weaker Salemites (Team DiMera ALL the way). I will always want to be Kate Roberts because home girl is FIERCE. And I'll always kind of wish that I, too, were a Horton, so I could eat Grandma Alice's donuts (if she were still living) and hang an ornament that says BRITTANY on it on the Christmas tree. Ya know, cause we're family and all.

Big Hair, Makeup, and Big Attitudes, or the Things That Made Me a Female Drag Queen

         My name is Brittany Renee Hall, and I am a drag queen. In drag I go by the name Jessie Belle Jones. NO, I'm not really a drag queen, but I do have the soul of one and it tracks back to an EARLY age. I've always had a divatude, and I owe it all to some of my early inspirations.

         Unless you're headless or were born in Vermont or some other Godless third world country, if you know me then you're well aware that my greatest icon and idol for life is the blessed Saint Dolly Rebecca Parton. I've always loved Dolly and wanted to be her for as long as I can remember. I'm not entirely sure what it was that drew me to her as a little girl. It could have been the singing, because I popped out the womb singing country music. It could have been the glittery costumes. It could have been the big hair and makeup. There's a distinct possibility that her owning a theme park devoted to her (but I didn't know it existed till I was 5 or 6) sealed the deal, or maybe it was a combination of everything that encompasses DOLLY. I've always been drawn to all these things, and the trashier and tackier the better. Dolly did, after all, model herself after the town tramp and I respect that. All I know is by the time I was 3, they called me Little Dolly. I had this toy called a "Star Stage" which was basically a working mic and mic stand. I used to drag that thing in the living room and perform for my mom any time the video for "Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That" happened to be on CMT. My desire to be Dolly didn't go away even as I got older. I came to admire Dolly not just for her amazing singing and songwriting talents and her delightfully gawdy sense of style but also because of her humor, honesty, approachability and her ability to be so unapologetically DOLLY.  She knows who she is and what she likes and doesn't change for anyone. Of everything I've taken from Dolly, the pride in being who I am is what I cherish most.

          When I was 7 or 8, I also had aspirations to some day become Reba McEntire. She, like me, is a natural red head, and back in the early 90s, it was ALWAYS jacked to Jesus, which if you're taking notes, I have mad respect for. (I also truly believe in my heart that her music was better back in the 90s... when she lost the huge hair, her quality of music suffered.) Her songs all had a touch of diva in them, and she had some FIERCE fashion back in the day. Ya'll remember that gown she wore on the CMAs that was cut practically to her navel? (If you don't I've posted a pic of it above.) Well, this little girl thought it was just the most FANTASTIC thing I'd ever seen. So to emulate it, I stole an old silk nightgown of my mom's and wore it as my "Reba" dress around the house and basically refused to take it off at home. "Fancy" and "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" were two of my favorite songs to perform. Eventually mom threw it away, and that was all she wrote for my "Reba" dress. I still love her though for many of the same reasons I love Dolly, but of course I'll always have only one number one icon.
       

                          My signature HUGE hair and heavy makeup look (no idea why I was biting my lip)


           For most of my childhood, I believed it was my destiny to be a country star (and part of me still does). As you can imagine, I was always very THEATRICAL. I was also a pageant darling early in life, and wish my mother hadn't quit entering me in them after she had my sister. It's a combination of all these things that have made me who I am today. I still love country music. I still love big hair. I still cake on makeup just because I like it. I'm still every bit a diva, and I'm catty enough to cough up hair balls. It is for these reasons that I really identify with drag queens and like Dolly said "Thank God I was born a woman, cause if I wasn't I would have been a drag queen." I truly believe I would have.

        RuPaul's Drag Race is wrapping up it's 4th season tonight. I watch the show RELIGIOUSLY (I've seen every episode) to see all the amazing and intricate makeup, hair, and costumes the "girls" will come up with, and of course all the cattiness and bitchiness that comes along with it. The final episode aired last Monday, but that sneaky RuPaul has delayed announcing the winner until the reunion tonight to avoid any spoilers leaking. All season long I've been a staunch supporter of the perfectly polished and immensely talented Chad Michaels (best known for her DEAD ON Cher impersonation), and the kooky and spooky yet funny and good-hearted Sharon Needles. They're both in the running to be crowned America's Next Drag Superstar tonight, and though I'll be happy if either win, I'm just ever so slightly pulling for Chad a teensy bit more. The other finalist, Phi Phi O'Hara, is a snaggle toothed and largely one note pageant queen whose entitled and selfish attitude is vile enough to make a home perm seem pleasant. Also, the bitch can't apply falsies. Hers make her look wonky and cross eyed. I, like most viewers of the show, will turn over my coffee table if that BITCH wins. I just tell myself  "IT WILL NOT HAPPEN". Ru is wayyyyyy too smart to alienate and anger 95% of her fans and viewers by crowning that abomination of a queen.

                                                               Chad Michaels as Cher

                                                   Sharon Needles as a victim of bad plastic surgery

                                                               Phi Phi O'Hater (BLECH)

           I'm excited to FINALLY see who the winner is, but bummed the season is ending. Never fear, RuPaul's Drag U will be airing this summer. It's a spin off that turns biological women, usually with confidence issues, into drag queens for a day. Though I have no lack of confidence and the amount of makeup I wear gives me honorary queen status, I wish they'd hurry and cast me already! (Sadly you have to live in the Los Angeles area. That's soooo not fair to the rest of the country!) This fall an all-stars season of Drag Race will be on (I can't WAIT for the all-stars version of the Snatch Game). And of course season 5 will be airing next spring. Till then as RuPaul would say, "If you can't love yourself, how in the HELL are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get a AMEN?" See, it all tracks back.