Big Hair, Makeup, and Big Attitudes, or the Things That Made Me a Female Drag Queen

         My name is Brittany Renee Hall, and I am a drag queen. In drag I go by the name Jessie Belle Jones. NO, I'm not really a drag queen, but I do have the soul of one and it tracks back to an EARLY age. I've always had a divatude, and I owe it all to some of my early inspirations.

         Unless you're headless or were born in Vermont or some other Godless third world country, if you know me then you're well aware that my greatest icon and idol for life is the blessed Saint Dolly Rebecca Parton. I've always loved Dolly and wanted to be her for as long as I can remember. I'm not entirely sure what it was that drew me to her as a little girl. It could have been the singing, because I popped out the womb singing country music. It could have been the glittery costumes. It could have been the big hair and makeup. There's a distinct possibility that her owning a theme park devoted to her (but I didn't know it existed till I was 5 or 6) sealed the deal, or maybe it was a combination of everything that encompasses DOLLY. I've always been drawn to all these things, and the trashier and tackier the better. Dolly did, after all, model herself after the town tramp and I respect that. All I know is by the time I was 3, they called me Little Dolly. I had this toy called a "Star Stage" which was basically a working mic and mic stand. I used to drag that thing in the living room and perform for my mom any time the video for "Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That" happened to be on CMT. My desire to be Dolly didn't go away even as I got older. I came to admire Dolly not just for her amazing singing and songwriting talents and her delightfully gawdy sense of style but also because of her humor, honesty, approachability and her ability to be so unapologetically DOLLY.  She knows who she is and what she likes and doesn't change for anyone. Of everything I've taken from Dolly, the pride in being who I am is what I cherish most.

          When I was 7 or 8, I also had aspirations to some day become Reba McEntire. She, like me, is a natural red head, and back in the early 90s, it was ALWAYS jacked to Jesus, which if you're taking notes, I have mad respect for. (I also truly believe in my heart that her music was better back in the 90s... when she lost the huge hair, her quality of music suffered.) Her songs all had a touch of diva in them, and she had some FIERCE fashion back in the day. Ya'll remember that gown she wore on the CMAs that was cut practically to her navel? (If you don't I've posted a pic of it above.) Well, this little girl thought it was just the most FANTASTIC thing I'd ever seen. So to emulate it, I stole an old silk nightgown of my mom's and wore it as my "Reba" dress around the house and basically refused to take it off at home. "Fancy" and "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" were two of my favorite songs to perform. Eventually mom threw it away, and that was all she wrote for my "Reba" dress. I still love her though for many of the same reasons I love Dolly, but of course I'll always have only one number one icon.
       

                          My signature HUGE hair and heavy makeup look (no idea why I was biting my lip)


           For most of my childhood, I believed it was my destiny to be a country star (and part of me still does). As you can imagine, I was always very THEATRICAL. I was also a pageant darling early in life, and wish my mother hadn't quit entering me in them after she had my sister. It's a combination of all these things that have made me who I am today. I still love country music. I still love big hair. I still cake on makeup just because I like it. I'm still every bit a diva, and I'm catty enough to cough up hair balls. It is for these reasons that I really identify with drag queens and like Dolly said "Thank God I was born a woman, cause if I wasn't I would have been a drag queen." I truly believe I would have.

        RuPaul's Drag Race is wrapping up it's 4th season tonight. I watch the show RELIGIOUSLY (I've seen every episode) to see all the amazing and intricate makeup, hair, and costumes the "girls" will come up with, and of course all the cattiness and bitchiness that comes along with it. The final episode aired last Monday, but that sneaky RuPaul has delayed announcing the winner until the reunion tonight to avoid any spoilers leaking. All season long I've been a staunch supporter of the perfectly polished and immensely talented Chad Michaels (best known for her DEAD ON Cher impersonation), and the kooky and spooky yet funny and good-hearted Sharon Needles. They're both in the running to be crowned America's Next Drag Superstar tonight, and though I'll be happy if either win, I'm just ever so slightly pulling for Chad a teensy bit more. The other finalist, Phi Phi O'Hara, is a snaggle toothed and largely one note pageant queen whose entitled and selfish attitude is vile enough to make a home perm seem pleasant. Also, the bitch can't apply falsies. Hers make her look wonky and cross eyed. I, like most viewers of the show, will turn over my coffee table if that BITCH wins. I just tell myself  "IT WILL NOT HAPPEN". Ru is wayyyyyy too smart to alienate and anger 95% of her fans and viewers by crowning that abomination of a queen.

                                                               Chad Michaels as Cher

                                                   Sharon Needles as a victim of bad plastic surgery

                                                               Phi Phi O'Hater (BLECH)

           I'm excited to FINALLY see who the winner is, but bummed the season is ending. Never fear, RuPaul's Drag U will be airing this summer. It's a spin off that turns biological women, usually with confidence issues, into drag queens for a day. Though I have no lack of confidence and the amount of makeup I wear gives me honorary queen status, I wish they'd hurry and cast me already! (Sadly you have to live in the Los Angeles area. That's soooo not fair to the rest of the country!) This fall an all-stars season of Drag Race will be on (I can't WAIT for the all-stars version of the Snatch Game). And of course season 5 will be airing next spring. Till then as RuPaul would say, "If you can't love yourself, how in the HELL are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get a AMEN?" See, it all tracks back.